


The Fight for You is All I've Ever Known

by shadow_faye



Series: Even When I Had Nothing [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Steve Rogers, Coming Out, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Pride 2015, PrideFest, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-29 23:36:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15084209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow_faye/pseuds/shadow_faye
Summary: Steve finds out that Marriage Equality has been passed in America and accidently comes out to the rest of the team.This song always makes me think of Steve's yearning for Bucky once he realizes that Bucky is still alive. OneRepublic seems to inspire a lot of Steve centric emotions with me.  It's also where I got the title.OneRepublic, Come HomeThis blog helped me with my research on Steve's old neighborhood. All credit goes to this author.Mr. Rogers Gaybourhood





	The Fight for You is All I've Ever Known

**Author's Note:**

> This work will be part of a much longer series, beginning with Steve waking up in 2011, and going through Infinity War. Also, I may come back and expand on this a bit, but I wanted it up on the anniversary of Stonewall. That was really important to me and I've been working on it for a while.

Steve walked into the lounge of the Avengers compound, pausing in the doorway. He swore when he went on his run everyone was asleep, but now they were all crowded into the lounge, including Clint, and Steve was pretty sure he’d gone home to his family the night before.

“What's this all about?” Steve asked.

“Didn't you hear Cap? Major Supreme Court decision going on today.” Sam said without looking up from the television.

“About what?”

“Come on Capsicle, I know you were frozen for 70 years, but that's not even an excuse this time.”

“Oh my god, they said yes.” Maria said softly, leaning forward in her chair.

“About damn time,” Natasha snorted.

“Oh good, now everyone can live unhappily ever after,” Tony said with a smirk looking up at the television. “Anyone want a drink. I feel like it's a good time for a drink.”

However, Steve could barely hear him over the roaring in his ears. His eyes remained locked on the television where the words “United States Supreme Court Rules In Favor of Same-Sex Marriage,” scrolled across the screen in bold letters. Tony walked to the bar as Steve tried to gather his thoughts. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words died in his throat.

“You always feel like it's a good time for a drink. But for once, you're right. This is cause for a celebration. Even if it's morning.” Clint said getting up to join Tony.

“It's five o’clock somewhere Barton,” Natasha said with a laugh.

“Looks like liberty won this time Cap,” Sam said, patting him on the shoulder, not noticing Steve’s inner turmoil.

“You guys are...okay with this?” He asked quietly, turning to look at his teammates.

The team turned to look at him, faces different levels of surprised. Sam and Clint’s eyebrows were drawn together in confusion, Natasha’s face had gone carefully blank, and Tony’s face had gone mocking. Steve had a sinking feeling he said the wrong thing.

“Don't tell me our famous Capsicle has a problem with this?” He said, forcing a lightness into his tone he obviously didn't feel.

“No! No, it's not that at all,” Steve said quickly, heart beginning to pound. “I don’t have a problem with this. I just…”

Steve rubbed the back of his neck nervously trying to put his thoughts into words as Nick Fury’s words came back to him. _You were asleep Cap. For 70 years._ He knew people in this time period felt differently about Same-Sex couples than they did in his time, but had it really changed that much in 70 years? Sure, he had heard the brief sound bites that had been broadcasted in between missions. He knew shortly after he woke from the ice, gay men and women were allowed to serve openly in the military. He knew people fought for gay rights. This however, this was something he thought he'd never live to see. He didn’t know how to reconcile this world with what he knew in the forties.

Natasha seemed to understand his internal conflict and came to his rescue with a sigh.

“Sometimes I forget your almost a hundred years old Rogers,” she muttered, coming forward to grab his arm and lead him to the elevator. “This isn't 1940 anymore. Yeah, there's still people who judge, but as far as most of society is concerned? Who the hell cares? I can guarantee you, no one on this team cares whether you have a man or a woman in your bed, as long as they're a consenting adult.”

“Hell, keep life interesting and make it one of each.”

“Shut up, Tony.” Natasha said turning back to Steve who was running his fingers through his hair.

“You gonna be alright Steve?”

“Yeah...I…I'm okay.”

“You sure Cap, cause you're shaking.”

“I...it's just...this is really good news, isn't it?”

“Is he about to cry?” Tony asked looking at the others in amazement. “Friday, make sure we have a recording of the Captain crying.”

Steve ignored him, taking a deep breath, trying to force himself to calm down.

“Come on, let's have a drink and celebrate Rogers,” Sam said with a smirk, patting him on the shoulder.

“Alright, yeah, sure.” he said, as the tension drained from his shoulders.

“So you're not upset about the vote?” Wanda asked him.

“No...not at all. It was just...jarring. I'm still adjusting to the 21st Century I guess…” He said, running his fingers through his hair. “Four years ago, and police were raiding gay clubs and arresting patrons.”

“Well, in this century love is love as the saying goes,” Sam said smirking.

“It's just hard for me to believe it's that simple for people nowadays,” he said softly, taking his glass from Sam.

“Not for everyone. I know of a few people who are still stuck in the past. And a few countries that are behind.” Wanda muttered.

“Well, growing up in the first half of the century, it would have helped knowing that this was the future,” Steve said softly, rubbing the back of his neck. “All the fear woulda been worth it.”

Steve froze aw he realized the implications of what he said. He hoped that impossibly no one would understand his meaning. His heart felt lodged in his throat as Tony turned to him, eyes wide with shock.

“Wait, did Captain America just come out? Friday, do we have that as a recording? Did the symbol of America come out as gay?”

“Tony, shut up.”

“Nat you can't take this from me.”

“I'm not gay,” Steve muttered, face flushing, wishing he'd kept his mouth shut.

“Awe don't take it back now Cap, there's nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Tony, seriously, I'm not gay.”

“Then what did you mean?”

Steve sighed, taking a deep breath. Tony wasn't going to drop it, and he knew it.

“I guess the current name for it is bi? We really didn't have a whole lotta labels back then.” He admitted rubbing the back of his neck nervously, his face flushing. “But I'm attracted to both men and women.”

“Oh this will make finding you a date so much easier, since you turn down all the women I suggest.”

“Nat, no. Just...no.”

“Let's toast to the Capsicle.”

“Oh my god, guys just stop.”

Sam laughed putting his arm around Steve's neck.

“Just let it happen Cap. You're not gonna be able to stop them even if you are a super soldier.”

Steve groaned quietly running his hand over his face.

“I should have kept my damn mouth shut.”

“They're just trying to be supportive Steve.”

“They can show support by not turning it into a big spectacle.”

Sam turned to Steve with a small frown, taking in his defensive stance, as if he was bracing himself for a fight.

“Steve, you do realize you have nothing to be ashamed of right? That being attracted to both men and men is perfectly natural?”

“I...logically I know that? But I spent so long telling myself to hide that part of me. Sometimes I'm still stuck in the 40s, where on one hand I knew I was attracted to both, but on the other hand my attraction to men was something to be hidden that could never amount to anything.”

“Well, we'll just have to work on that won't we?”

“Long as you promise me no blind dates,” Steve replied, feeling his heart swell. He really could have done no better than Sam as a friend.

Sam laughed softly giving his shoulder a squeeze.

“I'll leave the matchmaking to Natasha.”

* * *

“You're not the only Avenger celebrating today you know,” Nat told him as she poured them both a glass of whiskey.

“Oh?”

“I've been known to date a few women myself.” She told him with a smirk.

“Wait...you're...bi too?”

“I don't care for labels much,” she said with a shrug. “I just like who I like.”

Steve looked up at her as she took a drink of her whiskey. He knew Nat didn't give out information about herself easily. The face thar she gave him such personal information meant she trusted him far more than he realized.

“The historians have it wrong ya know?”

“What do you mean?”

“Peggy Carter wasn't my first love. I loved her, that part is true. How could you not? I'll always love her. But…”

“Someone else came first?”

Steve smiled sadly pouring himself another glass of whiskey.

“No one stood a chance against Bucky.”

Natasha put her glass down slowly, watching Steve down his.

“You and Bucky…?” she prompted, realizing he wasn't going to say anymore.

“Not officially. We didn't have a label for it,” he said quietly, staring down at his glass. “We really couldn't back then. It was too dangerous. But I loved him. More than anything. For a long time, Buck was all I had. He was the only thing I needed.”

“Even when you had nothing,” she said softly, the weight of Steve's words hitting her.

“Even when I had nothing,” he said with a nod. “And now I have all of this, with all of these new freedoms, and Bucky is gone.”

“Steve…”

“It's okay Natasha. Today isn't about me. There are millions of Americans I should be celebrating for instead of pining over him.”

“Steve, unless you didn't get the memo. People with stories like yours is exactly what today is about. How long were you and him a thing?”

Steve flushed, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“Well, I was 16 the first time we kissed. My ma had just gone to get the priest. It was the winter of ‘34 and I had pneumonia again. It was bad this time. Worse than ever before. My ma didn't have the money for medicine and I was getting worse. The doc said I wasn't gonna last the night. So, she left Buck with me so she could get the priest to read me my rites.” He said softly. “While she was gone, Buck crawled in bed with me, wrapped his arms around me, and told me he loved me. Said he didn't care if that was wrong, he wasn't gonna let me die without telling me. I think I kissed him that night. Or maybe he kissed me. Coulda been the fever too. Whatever happened, we didn't talk about it once I got better. Not for awhile at least. Not til I caught him putting the moves on some dame he met dancing.”

“Were you jealous Captain Rogers?”

“Oh, incredibly so. It wasn't this Steve Rogers back then.” He said with a laugh, gesturing to himself. “It was 90 lb, asthmatic Steve Rogers, with a bad heart, and who barely reached Bucky’s shoulders. And the guy I had been in love with since childhood was trying take a girl home. A girl who was a complete knockout.”

“Did he take her home?”

“Not that girl, not that night. We got into a fight….and I went into an asthma attack. No, before you ask, I didn't fake it. I was just that pathetic.”

“So what happened?”

“What else? It was 1934. We couldn't be together. Bucky still dated women. Still tried to set me up with girls. We knew how we felt. We fought it as best we could. We knew what would happen if we got caught.”

Natasha put her hand on his slowly, giving it s squeeze.

“I think Bucky and I had to be more careful than others. Because there were others obviously. People who were whispered about but no one knew for sure. Inverts, they called us back then. But people suspected me already, cause the way I was built. And I liked art. If they suspected Buck too there would be no stopping them. And...It wasn't uncommon ya know, for men to be killed, for even rumours.” Steve told her, eyes beginning to fill with tears. “I'm sure women too, but you didn't hear about that as often. As dangerous as it was, my happiest memories are the days Buck and I decided to stop being scared, for at least a little while. Like my 17th birthday, he uh, he bought some cheap wine, borrowed a car, drove outside the city so we could celebrate on our own. It was probably the best birthday I've ever had.”

“Bucky Barnes had a romantic side?”

Steve smiled softly spinning his glass a bit.

“Bucky could be real romantic when he wanted to be.”

Natasha gave his hand another squeeze.

“You'll find him, you know? I believe that.”

“Thought you didn't want me pulling on that thread?”

“Yeah, well, you aren't going to stop, so I decided to show support, even if I think you’re being reckless.”

“Thanks Nat.”

“This doing anything for you?” she asked, gesturing to the whiskey.

“Not a damn thing.”

“Pity.”

* * *

Steve snuck away from the impromptu party as quickly as he could. He knew from experience that gang could celebrate four hours, and normally he was more than willing to join them, but he needed to get away. He needed time to compose his thoughts. He hadn’t planned on telling the team about his sexuality, and he never thought he’d tell anyone about his relationship with Bucky.

He sighed, throwing himself on his bed, grabbing the remote to turn on the television. Maybe he could find one of his favorite black and white movies to drown out his thoughts. There was nothing like a Clark Gable movie to take your mind of your troubles. He paused his channel surfing on a clip of the president speaking to a news reporter. He moved to the end of his bed, turning the volume up on the television to listen better.

“That’s the consequence of a decision from the Supreme Court, but, more importantly, it is a consequence of the countless small acts of courage of millions of people across decades who stood up, who came out, who talked to parents -- parents who loved their children no matter what.  Folks who were willing to endure bullying and taunts, and stayed strong, and came to believe in themselves and who they were, and slowly made an entire country realize that love is love.”

Steve stared at the television long after the president’s words ended, letting the words settle. He could have been one of those people shifting the tide of gay rights. Even before he went into the ice, he could have been more brave, more outspoken about his feelings. Instead he hid, even after the serum, even after there was nothing they could have physically done to hurt him, he hid like a coward. Men like him suffered because he refused to speak up.

He could have been more vocal after he woke up. He knew times were different. He had noticed almost immediately that people were more open with their affection. Couples of all sorts wandered the streets. The first time he saw two men walking down the street holding hands, he'd been in awe.

It had been a couple weeks after he woke up. Before Loki and New York happened, when he could still walk the streets anonymously. They were teenage boys, probably the same age as he and Bucky when they started dating. The two were whispering together, giggling about something, completely oblivious to the world around them. Steve had gone on high alert when he saw them. He wanted to warn them, tell them it wasn't safe. Then he noticed, nothing was happening. There were people looking annoyed, and muttering under their breath, but there were also people looking amused, as if they thought the couple was cute. The grand majority of people didn't notice them at all. When Steve returned to the Avengers compound that night, he'd cried. He cried out of happiness for a generation that wouldn't have to face a world he'd faced, and he cried because he's never know that freedom with Bucky.

He's learned since that day that the world wasn't as changed as it appeared. Teens that identified as LGBT+ (and learning that acronym and all the identities included in it had been interesting), still faced intense discrimination. Many were abandoned by parents who previously proclaimed to love their children, especially those who proclaimed to be transgender. As a whole though, the world had gotten better, safer. Gay clubs were no longer secret bathhouses that faced police raids, places where gay men cruised because that was the best you could hope for at the time. His world hadn't made it easy for committed same sex relationships. Now they were clubs on the street that even straight people went to for a night on the town.

_“Come on Stevie, it'll be fun.”_

_“Not tonight Buck. I don't feel like it.”_

_Bucky gave him a small smile, pulling him in a bit._

_“Won’t it be fun to spend one night surrounded by people like us?”_

_“No damn it Buck, don't you see I don't want to spend a night around other men like us?”_

_Bucky frowned pulling away from him._

_“Why not?”_

_“What happens when some other guy catches your eye Buck? I'm left twiddling my thumbs while you go make time with some other guy. I'm not blind Buck, I see how others look at you. It's only a matter of time before you look back.”_

_“Steve...no, that's not why I want to go. I just wanna finally be able to show my best guy off.”_

Steve closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Bucky had always been more reckless than him. He'd never wanted to hide how he felt, but he’d done his best knowing how dangerous it was. If he had lived, he'd been one of the people who'd pushed for change.

Steve dialed Natasha before he knew what he was doing.

“Hello?”

“Hey Nat, I've got a plan,” he said, sitting up slowly. “You're going to hate it, but I need you and Sam to help.”

* * *

“I’m just going on record to say this is a really bad idea,” Nat said dryly, looking out the window of the car.

“Yes, so did Tony and Clint, we know.” Steve said dryly. “This is my choice. I think it’s important.”

“We know Steve, but are you sure you want all this attention on you?”

“Isn’t it already?” Steve asked.

“You sure about this Steve? I know you've been outta the ice for a couple years now, but this might still shock you.” Sam said as the car pulled up to the sidewalk. “People are a lot more free at these events.”

“Free how?”

“It's hard to explain. But if the forties were as repressed as it sounds, then it'll be a culture shock, I'm sure.”

“Don’t worry Sam, we had our queer communities back then, I can handle it.”

Sam opened his mouth to respond and then closed it.

“Nevermind, you're allowed to use that term now.”

Steve turned to him slowly as they climbed out the car, beginning to walk down the street. Natasha behind them as a distant follow, keeping an on the perimeter.

“It doesn't bother you does it? I mean, I know you said it's nothing to be ashamed of, but...it hasn't changed anything has it.”

“No. Steve, come on. You know me better than that.”

“You're right...Sorry. That wasn't fair of me.”

“You're damn right. I'm not going to start panicking that you're hitting on me, or start treating you different because you like dudes too.”

“I was.”

“Huh?”

“Hitting on you. The day we met I was trying to flirt. I've never been very good at it.” Steve told him with a small grin. “But you're a good looking guy, and as far as I knew Bucky had been gone for 70 years...I thought I should try to move on. Then you asked me to make you look good in front of the girl at the VA, and I saw the way you looked at Nat. You very quickly became the good looking, but unavailable straight guy.”

Sam stared at him for a second before laughing softly.

“That's damn flattering, but we've definitely got to work on your game.”

Steve flushed rubbing his neck with an embarrassed smile.

“I didn't need to try with Bucky.”

“Steve, when we find Bucky, are you going to try and pick up where you two left off?”

“Honestly? I want to...but I don't see how it's possible. The war changed us so much, that at the end we barely recognized each other, and after Hydra got ahold of him...Sam, I don't even know who we're going to find when we find him. He knows me...I know that. He saved me for a reason. But is he capable of still loving me, after everything he's been through?”

Sam sighed putting his hand on Steve's shoulder.

“Are you capable of being around Bucky Barnes and only being his friend?”

Steve gave him a bitter smile looking away.

“If that is what he needs? I'll have to be. Now come. We'll be late if we don't hurry.”

“This way,” Sam said, leading him down the street.

“What is Pride, by the way?”

“I had a feeling you’d ask...It started in the late 60s because of a riot that happened at the Stonewall Inn, here in Greenwich Village. Police raided the inn because it was a popular gay club, and the patrons retaliated. They were tired of being oppressed.”

“But...a riot?”

“Oh yeah, it turned pretty violent. But June 28th is the anniversary of the riot, so every June since, different cities have held parades commemorating the beginning of the LGBT rights movement.”

“And that somehow involves rainbows...lots and lots of rainbows,” Steve asked, pausing in his steps taking in the crowd for him.

“Yeah,” Sam replied with a smirk, putting his hand on Steve’s shoulder. “The rainbow flag is the Gay Pride flag, yours is blue, purple, and pink.”

“Mine?”

“Yeah, each group has its own flag. I don’t know when that started, but the bi flag is blue, pink, and purple. The lesbian flag is different shades of pink and red and the trans flags are blue, white, and pink stripes.”

“And all the others?”

“You’ll have to ask. That’s the end of my knowledge. I’m afraid I don’t know enough about the community.”

Steve nodded as they began walking through the crowd. His brain felt like it was on overdrive as he took in all of the people in front of him. There were people in tutus, with rainbow hair, and wearing enough glitter that he thought he’d be dreaming about glitter for weeks. There were women going shirtless with just stickers to cover their breasts, and men walking around in nothing but what Steve suspected were their briefs. There was men walking around in dresses, at least Steve assumed they were men. He had a feeling he should probably stop assuming these things. The majority of the people walking around were wearing everyday clothes just waving their various flags, but the dramatic outfits were so dramatic that they seemed to take up the entire scenery.

“How are you holding up?” Sam asked with an amused smile.

“I love it,” Steve told him, turning to him, eyes bright.

Sam blinked at him in surprise before nodding with a small smile.

“Then let’s get you to the stage.”

* * *

“Not too late to change your mind,” Natasha told him, as he began to climb the stairs to the stage.

“It’s not going to happen.”

“Your funeral.”

“And now, I give you our surprise guest. Everyone, put your hands together for Captain America!”

Steve frowned looking down at his clothing as he climbed the steps. He’d purprosely not worn the Captain America uniform for this appearance. He’d chosen jeans and a t-shirt for the day, not wanting to stand out, not that he’d had to worry about that in retrospect. He wasn’t coming here to speak to them as Captain America, the Avenger. He was here to speak to them as Steve Rogers, the American. He waved to the crowd as he crossed the stage to the announcer.  

“Thank you…” he paused taking in the appearance of the announcer as he took the microphone. “Ma’am. Thank you for having me.”

The drag queen on stage gave him what he hoped was an approving smile, and he turned to the audience taking a deep breath.

“I didn't come here with a speech planned, which is probably a mistake. The other Avengers tried to stop my appearance entirely. Probably afraid I'd drop some top secret Intel, since I'm awful at public speaking. You know I used to keep my USO appearance lines written on the inside of my shield? That's not impotence now, forget I said anything

But, I had to come here today, and speak with you. I'm grateful that the committee managed to fit my appearance into the busy schedule.” He took a deep breath as he wondered where to begin.

“It seems like most people know the Captain America story more than I do these days. I don't know what happened after the ice, or how we really won the war, but it seems like every time I turn around someone has a new Captain America story. Some true, some not. However, no matter how many stories they tell, there will always be a handful of stories that I have always closely guarded. And I didn't come here today as Captain America. I'm here as Steve Rogers, from Brooklyn Heights. And that neighborhood was far more diverse than the history books tell you.”

Steve could tell people were finally starting to pay attention, and he was glad. If he was gonna be standing on stage bearing his soul, he wanted it to mean something. He took the microphone from the stand and walked to the edge of the stage, sitting down with his legs hanging over the edge. He could tell from the guards expressions they would have preferred he didn't but he just gave them his best Captain America smile before continuing.

“Everyone knows I grew up poor, and that me and my ma loved in a very poor neighborhood. But what most don't know is the truth about that neighborhood. The place I grew up was pretty rough, not the safest to walk at night. Most of us who lived there were rather poor, couldn't afford to live any better. But it was full of artistic talent. I wouldn't have traded it for the world. The other thing most people don't know is that it was a thriving gay community. I lived within walking distance of the Brooklyn Navy Yard, and I'm sure anyone in this crowd can tell you what happens around a Navy Yard. Or maybe that was just our Navy Yard,” he said with a slight laugh. “The point is, during my time Brooklyn Heights was famous for gay clubs and drag queens. It was our open secret. The police would raid and shut one club down then another opened. I lived near the St. George Hotel, famous for cruising and hook ups at the time, is it still? I never checked. We had posters for drag balls hung in the open, of course, back then you needed a license for drag balls or you could be arrested. One reason I didn't return to Brooklyn after I woke up was all of this was missing. It's just not the same without this community there. All of the so called “seedier" elements were what made Brooklyn my home. Honestly, being here today, this is the first time I felt like I actually came home. All of this is so familiar and yet so new to me. We had all of this when I was growing up, but the labels and pronouns, all of that is new. I’ve still got a lot to learn.”

Steve paused for to take a deep breath before forcing himself to continue. He came here with a plan and he wasn’t leaving until he saw it out.  

“That's not all I came here to say. You see, the first time I fell in love, I was sixteen years old. Actually, it was probably long before that but I was sixteen when I realized what I was feeling. The boy I loved,” Steve stopped here because the noise from the crowd drowned out his words. He put the microphone down waiting out the crowd before starting again with a small laugh. “Yes, I said boy. He was seventeen years old, and the most amazing person I had ever met. We kissed for with first time in December of 1934. I was sick, again. It was pneumonia, again. This time was different though. When the doctor came, there was no talk of me getting better. Just a prescription of painkillers to make me comfortable. I had been in and out of consciousness for days and my fever was so high I was bathing in ice water. The doctor told my mom if the infection didn't kill me there was no way my heart would make it. So, when my mom left claiming she was just going to get some medicine, we knew she was going to get the priest. That would be the fifth time I'd have my last rites read. However, soon as she left, he climbed up in my bed. He was there, he was always there. He pulled me in his arms, not caring that I had been sweating for days on end, and he told me he loved me, that he's always loved me. He told me that he tried to stop, knowing it was wrong, but that no matter what he did, he could never stop loving me, and he didn't want me to die without knowing.”

_“Stevie, I tried to stop, you gotta believe me. But I love you so much, and I can't lose you. You gotta fight this.”_

_“Buck…”_

Steve closed his eyes as the memory hit him. Bucky’s blue eyes filling with tears as he admitted to feelings that frightened him. The way his heart swelled as he realized Bucky loved him as much as he loved Bucky.

“Of course I loved him too, and I told him so. Told him about the long hours I spent in the confessional, and the prayers for forgiveness and for God to take away my feelings for him. Then I kissed him, or he kissed me. That part is a little fuzzy, my fever probably has something to do with it. But from that moment on, everything changed. We still fought our feelings best we could, but there were times when I didn't care how wrong I thought it was, I loved him, more than anything. You see, despite how open my neighborhood was, it was still dangerous to be gay in the 40s. It wasn't just considered wrong, it was illegal. So we pretended, and it broke my heart everytime I'd see him look at a woman. And then the war happened. He shipped out along with all the able bodied men and I became a science experiment. I fell in love again at twenty-three years old. Everyone knows about Peggy Carter. The museum's are full of stories about us, and yet we never dated. I loved her and I'm sure she loved me. But we never actually dated. She kissed me once, right before I went into the ice and then when I woke up, she was in her 90s with grandchildren.”

Steve took a breath, taking a moment to compose himself, banishing the images of Peggy laying on the mattress, her memories coming and going.

“The first time I saw two men walking down the street holding hands after the ice, I cried, for two different reasons. I cried because while some people acted upset, there were people who watched this young happy couple, obviously amused and others ignored them all together. It was an everyday occurrence. It was treated as normal. And it made me so happy to see that the world could finally accept these people for who they are. The second reason I cried was because I would never know that kind of feeling with the man I left behind in 1945. We would never be able to walk down the streets together and be acknowledged as a couple. That opportunity had been taken from us. There is a lot I don't know about the LGBT community since 1945. I'm told that events like this are based on an uprising at Stonewall in 1969. Looking out at this crowd I am in awe. Not only of the freedoms your generation has, but I'm in awe of your strength. Your courage to be who you are in a world that still tells you it isn't okay. And I want to thank you, on behalf of my generation. It may be too late for me and my best guy, but it's not too late for all of you. Now I've kept you from your celebrations long enough and we have a lot to celebrate with the news that came from Washington Friday morning. Happy Pride you guys.”

There were cheers as Steve stood up walking back from the edge of the stage. He could hear the crowd calling his name and he waved as he stepped behind the stage to face a waiting Sam and Natasha.

“Good job man.” Sam said with a grin. “That was pretty brave of you.”

“It was just talking.”

“About yourself. In front of millions. It was a pretty big deal.”

“Besides, public opinion of you is going to change a great deal after that. And not entirely for the better.” Natasha told him softly. “You're a national icon and people are going to hound you for information. Especially about the identity of your male lover.”

Steve winced. He left Bucky’s name out of it because he still had family around and he didn't want to put their family in headlines. Bucky wasn't there to answer for himself, and perhaps never would be. Steve wasn't going to put him under the spotlight if he could help it.

“You know a lot of them will suspect the truth Steve.”

“I honestly didn't think about it. I just wanted to share my story, and I’m still adjusting to modern press.”

“They're damn vultures.” Sam muttered looking out at the crowd.

Steve sighed before glancing back at the park grounds. He hadn't considered the consequences of his words, he’d just spoken from the heart. He turned back to Natasha with a small smile.

“You know what? I'll worry about that tomorrow. Today, I'm going to enjoy my first ever Pride.”

“Steve!” Natasha hissed as he waved and walked off.

“Let him go Nat.” Sam told her with a grin. “It's about time the man got to live his life.”

“The press is going to eat him alive.”  
“That’s a problem for tomorrow. The man is lonely, and maybe being here, he’ll be able to move on.”

“That man has a Bucky sized hole in his heart and no one but Bucky will be able to fix it. It’s not healthy.”

“Nat, he crashed a plane and woke up 70 years later. It’s only been a couple of years, and Bucky is really the only thing he has left from the past. Peggy doesn’t know who he is half the time. He’s trying. Give him a chance.”

“Fine. But you get to clean up the mess,” Natasha said before walking off.

Sam sighed watching as Steve disappeared into the crowd.

“I usually do.”


End file.
